Closure.

how things change. people, relationship statuses, the weather, life…me. there was a time when i thought i would die or go insane if you left me. i thought i would break and maybe for a little while i did. i almost went insane too with the pain of your loss. the reality though, is that you can’t loose what you never had. when you left and you took everything away with you. the smile, the laughter, the joy; even the pain. it’s like a huge hole was punched through my heart. i know i dreamt about you every night and when i woke up i had no recollection of that dream. but i know i’d seen you because i could still feel you around when i woke up. its weird that i feel you when you’re not around. yet when you’re physically there i push myself to feel nothing. i don’t know you anymore and i don’t belong in the new world you have made for yourself. and all this while i thought there was a chance.


and now i’m here. and it’s funny ‘cause i thought that i had missed you all these months. that i had missed your laughter, your face, your voice, your presence, your touch. and i thought i’d break down if i ever saw you again. and it’s even strange ‘cause i didn’t feel anything but numb. in a way i feel free from the burden of having to belong to someone. but i am also saddened by the knowledge that i have no one to belong to. i wanted to see you, to hold and kiss you, which i did. i have reached that phase in life where if it works out i’ll be happy and if it doesn’t i know i’ll move on without a trace of remorse or regret or bitterness or even vengeance for that matter. infact i am thankful to you for bringing my fears to my face and leaving me alone to confront them thus making me stronger. for subconsciously pushing me to be content. for making me realize that nobody on this planet will love me more than i can love myself. this is my closure. the need to see you one last time as i’d seen you the first time was my craving for closure than for anything else. now i can open my fists, stretch my arms and release myself.