Another day gone by just like that…there are so many things to do but I don’t have the inclination to do any of it…all I wanna do is sit around and day dream of a better future, a better life…better than what it is right now…away from this misery of waking up each day and wondering why I even bother to open my eyes…and still I wanna wake up each day because I know that you are waiting to see my face just as I am waiting to see yours…is it true that what goes around comes around??? Is it really??? Because right now everything is just going around and I’m wondering when it will come around or will it ever…why do they make these wonderful proverbs when they aren’t actually true…there are so many things/clichés that people use and say and I wonder are these ever true…

There is so much beauty around and yet I’m not at peace…the greenery around me brings me no tranquillity whatsoever…whoever said green was a calming colour…its not true…it’s like I’m standing and watching my life go by and not doing anything to make it better…I’m just letting it play on its own…that’s not how it’s supposed to be, is it??? whatever happened to the choices I can make and how these choices control my life…I can’t see any choices here…for the first time after a long time I am beginning to question the place I am in right now…this is not where I wanna be…this is never where I wanted to be…and then I think about you…if I didn’t choose this path would I have met you…maybe, maybe not…maybe if we were destined to be together we would have met any which way…but then what if this was the only way…that’s how I console my place in life right now…the pain in my feet is killing me…but the thought of you makes me feel just a little better…the thought and hope that after this is over maybe it’s gonna be good…but who can say…life doesn’t come with warranties or guarantees…it just comes as it is and I have the responsibility to choose how I can make myself feel about it…on days like this I want my life to be like a song or a sweet melody with no dramatic overtures…just one rhythm…the same beat…and then I wonder will it be boring…will I enjoy it then or will I still be wondering about how green the grass would be on the other side…and I have nothing more to write because I have gone back into wondering mode…wondering about stuff that I can’t put into words…of stuff that have no definite words to describe them…or stuff that I cannot explain to anyone…of stuff that people will find difficult to understand…signing off until my next brainwave hits…