To my friend - Kavitha

Some people create this niche for themselves in our lives…a niche if vacated creates a void…and like most good things, you begun to assume that they’ll leave but they don’t…no matter how far you are from them physically, mentally and emotionally you’re still connected…no matter how many new people you meet, their niche is securely off guards to others…their place is theirs…I’m not talking about partners and spouses here…I’m talking about friends…good friends…the ones who correct you when you’re wrong…the ones who’d fight the world off for you…the ones who cover your ass and kick it too…the ones who’s shoulder is always there when you wanna cry…the ones who’s ears no matter how sore still listen to your love problems…the ones who are happy for you…the ones who love you always…you don’t have to be in constant contact with them because in your heart you know that no matter how wide the distance is they’ll always reside in that niche…

Do you get that feeling when you hear a particular song and it reminds of you of a particular person? That person may not necessarily have any connection with that song but in your head you visualize them every time you listen to that song. Like right now I have one song for each person I know in my life. It’s not about the person you know. It’s about the music. Whenever I’m alone and listening to music, any kind of music, I have this whole story forming in my head about that person with whom the song is associated. Like the song is the back ground music for that person’s life and that story has to include me in some measure or the other. Sometimes I do wish that like in the movies there’s background music to our lives. But all you get is silence and a buzzing sound in your ears and crazy thoughts in your head.

Another something...

What if you knew that this was the last time you’d see me??? What if you knew that this was the last time you’d speak to me??? Would you still walk away??? its just a thought…I was just wondering…if we only knew right…if we only knew, we wouldn’t do the things we do or say the things we said…if we only knew, we’d make an effort to better things and get our act together…if we only knew…how ironic that we don’t until after it happens…then we cry and brood over the things we should have said and didn’t say or done and didn’t do…but then what’s the point…life can’t be undone…you cannot possibly redo what’s done…it sits there staring you in the face…it’s right there in front of your eyes while you sit there and reminisce and imagine the different possibilities of doing what you’ve done…how you cry for the times when you could make a difference…how you long for everything to be back right as it was…how you wish you could go back in time and set things right…if only all wishes came true the world would be a much better place now, wouldn’t it???
Now the thoughts have drained out…another cryptic something written in the hope that someday you may read it and know…but the chances of that are way too slim…maybe you’ll do after I’m gone and my words are all you have left to hold on too…then maybe you’ll read wishing that you’d read them before…maybe that way you could have held onto me longer…maybe that way you would be able to make up…but it’s not as grim as I’ve made it out to be…salvation is there as long as you want to have it…it’s waiting there for you to realize that it’s there…you can make things better not with me maybe but with someone else…with something else…maybe you could live the dreams we dreamt…you could make them true…try to fill the void that wouldn’t have been there if we had done things differently…you could still try…and live them out maybe hoping that in the end you’d find salvation…don’t worry I’ll be watching you…I’ll be there always…so don’t be afraid…because while you’re there looking for redemption, I’m there, hoping that at the end of the journey, you’ll find me again…