Heartbreak

Heartbreak…one word with so many consequences…so many emotions piled onto just one word…you may think heartbreak is burdened by all of it…its actually the other way around…it burdens you…it hurts in places you never knew existed…it gives you sleepless nights…or worse still you cry yourself to sleep…you detach yourself from everything but the memories of him…you feel empty and drained…the dark circles around your eyes just get darker everyday…and the bags forming below them threaten to give you Chinese eyes…anything can trigger off that river of tears…infact you’re tear glands are always prepared…ready to flow at anything…a song…a memory...watching other couples tortures in ways you cannot imagine…even if you’ve seen them for all of your life, like your parents…what do you do with those memories…photographs can be torn…letters can be burnt…messages can be deleted…mails can be erased…but those memories…they have a knack of surfacing when you want them most to disappear…you can actually feel your heart crack into a million pieces…everything feels wrong…the things you’ve done all your life seem like a chore…you find it difficult to get outta bed…you don’t wanna speak…you can’t walk on your own…you close your fist only to realize that his hand is not there anymore…you turn to smile but his face is not there anymore…all the things you did together form Kodak moments in your head…all the places you went together bear a mark that was left by you…you can’t bring yourself to go there alone…all you wanna do is lie in bed, close your eyes and relive each and every memory…so that as the days pass by his face doesn’t become a distant blur…no one else seems to be as good as him…infact you measure everyone to him…if they’re not as good then they’re not worth the effort…well, at least you’ve made the effort to know them…the thing to figure here is that if he was all that good why did he leave you in the first place…why did he hurt you…why did he break your heart…and inspite all of this you still think he’s good enough…you blame yourself for him leaving you…what is it with us women…we are programmed to think that everything is our fault…says who…I don’t…I think we place too much importance on our partner…thinking that he could do no wrong…that he’s perfect…says who…whoever said anybody was perfect…perfect is only God…and you’re partner is not God…so what makes him perfect or flawless…what makes him so right and you so wrong…nothing…but you think we understand that…not a chance…we go on blaming ourselves…the smarter ones move on…and the rest just lay there…waiting for time to heal the scars…for time to blur the memories…