Ice cream connection

It was my last day at work and although i had spent just a month here i still felt a bit sad walking out of there for probably the last time. i was in no mood to take a cab and besides i wanted to do something symbolic. Walking was really not my thing, but i decided to do it anyway. Unlike most days, the weather was quite pleasant. The air was fresh and cool causing tiny goose pimples to form on my skin as it filled my congested lungs. Foolish, romanticizing couples filled the length of the concrete promenade. How i wanted to smack one of them and make place for my bottom! But i walked ahead anyway and found some place next to this bunch of old men working out. You know basic aerobics, stretches and all. i sat facing the road, turned sideways to grasp a view of the sea, closed my eyes and took in the sound of the waves breaking at the rocks. i thought of the times when i would come here with my first boyfriend who, by the way, also happened to be my closest friend. We would sit for hours, sometimes talking [i would do most of the talking], sometimes quite, just enjoying the moment. There were also times when we’d watch the cars and choose which one would be ours.

i opened my eyes and continued to gaze at the sea and beyond. i don’t know when and how but my vision began to blur. Tears had welled up in my eyes. There were times like this, when i didn’t know why the tears came, but they came anyway. It took me back to the memory of when i had cried uncontrollably for a good fifteen minutes in front of you. My eyes had puffed up and my nose had turned red making me look like Rudolf. But you didn’t notice, i guess, because you were busy trying to convince me for an ice cream saying it would make me feel better. i eventually refused it then [I still haven’t figured out why]. But nothing stopped me now. i walked briskly, almost running to Baskin n Robbins as if they would run out of my favourite dark chocolate flavour at eleven in the morning. i ordered myself a triple scoop of and dunked my mouth into my ice cream and ate like i’d never seen ice cream before [after all, this was also my first meal for the day.] i got weird looks from the strangers who passed me by. i don’t blame them. Whenever i have chocolate ice cream my face automatically produces orgasmic reactions. i think it has to do with the chocolate. But yeah, as i was saying, ice cream really did help me feel better. i was so elated that i didn’t give a tiny rat’s ass about the looks, as long as my tears had dried i was content. A serious yet fun filled recommendatoin - have an ice cream when you're down. It helps…

nightmare

Gunshots fill her ears…Masked faces looking for her…While she’s looking for her friend…She finds a safe corner to hide…Footsteps resound in the corridors…Getting louder with each thud…She holds her breath …Cowering deeper into the corner…Wishing she could breathe free again…The foot steps pass her by…Slowly fading away…She heaves a sigh of relief…Almost instantly a hand grabs her neck…It’s him, one of the masked faces…She can see nothing but his eyes…Bloodshot and cold…They pierce into her terrified gaze
His gun reaches her temples…She squeezes her eyes shut waiting to hear her final gunshot…instead he drags down to the basement…close to the exit…she opens her eyes…his bloodshot glare almost cutting through the fear in her eyes…his eyes become soft…he releases his grip on her hand…he continues glaring at her…by now her heart has reached up her mouth…she cringes at the thought of his touch…why can’t he just blow her brains…she’d prefer that rather than imagine what’s coming her way…he draws her closer almost squeezing her lungs…and then lets her go and slowly begins to back off…she’s free or not, she can’t seem to understand…’go’, he howls back at her…’and don’t look back. Now go.’
She wakes up drenched in sweat and she can’t understand why. It looks as if she was running…was she???

jasmine....

your laughter still resonates
amidst the routine sounds
your eternal smile
still brings with it the sunshine
the memories still alive
they don’t seem to fade away
i stand now
where we had stood before
to watch the fireworks
and look upto the sky
searching for a sign
but the blue sky stares back at me
bluer than before
the sun peeks out
from behind the clouds
i squint and close my eyes
in an attempt to avoid its glare
images of your smiling face
cross my eyes
i open my eyes
and smile back at the sun
i’ve got my sign…

NOT JUST YET....

I walked back, this Monday into the lobby of the Oberoi, Mumbai. Although I had heard that it was badly damaged, nothing could prepare me for what I saw inside. As one of my friends said, ‘it's a sight for sore eyes.’ This place that I had trained in for close to a month resembled a war zone. As we went about the winding up activities, I couldn’t stop the fear present inside me. As I walked through the soot laden corridors, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a look behind me to check if there was anyone. Even while walking in the service corridors (used by staff), I keep myself alert to any sound. I believe in spirits and ghosts. I believe they exist and watch over you. When I am in the corridors checking for left over unclaimed baggage, I have this strange feeling that there are many eyes on me. And then I turn around to nothing.

After spending two nights holed up in a room alone at the Trident, Nariman Point, I don’t think I will ever stop checking behind and around me. Fear and loss, don’t make a good combination. My initial bravado was replaced with fear after I found out that Jasmine was killed by these merciless animals. I felt paralyzed or I guess it was my fear because after that I was afraid to move, use the loo, sneeze and even breathe. The reason that roused my fear was also the reason that calmed me down. Images of her eternally smiling face cropped up before me. I was still a little scared, but I was smiling now. Friends kept calling; some were reassuring me with their prayers, while I was assuring most with my light hearted comments. It was not easy to remain calm. I kept saying a few prayers every time that I heard any sound. I even cried to relieve myself of the stress. I did everything I could because I did not want to die. I am not scared of death, but just not yet…As I write this down, I feel guilty and helpless. Guilty because I came out alive and helpless because at the time that I had locked myself in the safety of a room I could have escaped and come down to help save other lives. The ordeal doesn’t end here, as we all know it. There is more to come as threatened by the militants. I pray the army, NSG and whatever other security and intelligence we have are able to avert or combat a crisis like this…